Rule #6 Set limits for yourself and others

lim·it  noun

1. a point or level beyond which something does not or may not extend or pass.

1. • 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

     
     

     
     

     
     
     

     1. 
        

     They looked at me in total bewilderment but with obedient hearts and they proceeded to negotiate and figure out which Barbies were staying and which were not. It was a tough decision. In the end, we had at least 12 Barbies (in various conditions) that were set aside to go to new homes. And the rule of SETTING LIMITS was established.
     We wish we could keep everything but we can't.
     WITH SMALL TOYS AND BOOKS....My feelings are the same when it comes to toys or books. They are so CHEAP to buy (especially second hand) and so PLENTIFUL on birthdays and holidays. Setting limits on them is the only way I know to really keep it all sane.  Here is our collection of Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. There are a lot more pieces that I could have bought through the years and, I admit, they are a very fun toy. But....enough is as good as a feast, right? Enough is enough. And this box really helps me see what is ENOUGH.
     In fact, one of the most eye opening experiences of my life came when I was getting ready to set limits on the matchbox car situation at our house.  I haven't been to too many places around the world but my husband started traveling a lot for work about then. One of his first trips was to the Philippines and he came back with stories and pictures that amazed us all. One of the things that affected us most were the pictures he took of the "squatter camps." There are so many extremely poor, homeless people in the Philippines that they have just started setting up cardboard shacks right on the sides of the streets. They live there, cook in the gutters, and sleep in their makeshift homes. The children usually don't have clothes at all, forget about toys. My husband saw two boys happily playing naked in the street with an empty milk carton squashed up to be a ball. Anytime we think our children here don't have enough, let's think about their only toy being a piece of garbage that they happily play with.  My husband's coworker was headed back to the Philippines the next week and I said to my boys "why don't you pick out some cars for her to take and give to the little boys there who have NONE." They were so happy to do so and gave her some of their most favorites with little notes attached telling the Filipino boys exactly how the features on the car worked. I was so touched. It made me realize what a blessing it can be to our children to 1) become aware that there really are people with NONE and 2) to give up things to better the life on another. Books are another thing I really think we need to set limits on. It used to be that the feelings about books were almost to the point of worship. People felt like if something was in print it was basically gold. And that sentiment is really not true anymore. Have you seen the thrift stores and yard sales? They can hardly GIVE books away, let alone sell them. There are a lot on the market and they really are not hard to replace. My advice with books? Set a reasonably sized limit and keep yourself (and your family) to it.
     The application of this idea of LIMITS is really endless. I feel like it is one of the most important parts of keeping your home and spaces clean and organized. 
     We simply have to say to ourselves and our families:
     Next post:  Rule #7  Have a place for "extras" and "errands"
2. 2. a restriction on the size or amount of something permissible or possible.

Why is setting limits such an important part of managing stuff?

Ummmmm...because we have TOO MUCH OF IT!

What exactly do I mean when I say "set limits?"  Let me show you in the form of a common problem at our house (and maybe yours)....toys.

Take a pile of Barbie dolls. 

Did you know, back in the day (said in an annoying old person voice) when I was a little girl no one had more than ONE barbie doll. My parents weren't rich but we weren't wanting for anything either. When I was a girl (which was not that long ago, really) ONE Barbie doll was enough. I had one beautiful long-haired blonde Barbie and her husband Ken and I played and played with them. My mom made me little small Barbie and Ken outfits that I would change around constantly as they went to various activities and dates. It was a great life.

One generation later, my husband I were in a similar financial situation as our parents. We weren't rich but we had enough and then some and were living a good life. ONE GENERATION later though...the entire Barbie scene had changed. Barbie dolls must have gone way down in price relative to income because my two daughters started receiving Barbie dolls for every birthday and Christmas. Before you know it, with two little girls and plenty of opportunities to GET and BRING IN, we had a big 'ol pile of Barbie dolls! It got to be ridiculous honestly. 

That's when I started implementing the rule of LIMITS.  

The conversation I had with my 4 and 6 year old girls went something like this:

"Now girls, I know you have a pile of Barbies and I'm sure you would like to keep them all. But we just can't keep everything, even though we want to. So here is a clear, labeled box that says "Barbies" on it. We can keep as many Barbies and their clothes as you can fit in this box. After that, the ones that don't fit will get to go to some other little girls that don't have any Barbie dolls."

This idea worked so well that I started using it on everything. Setting limits starts with the line (and sometimes you are saying it just to yourself) "We wish we could keep everything but we can't."

And then you decide on a reasonable size box or container to hold that/those particular item/s (how big? when in doubt challenge yourself and make it smaller rather than bigger!)

That is your limit.

Whatever you can fit in there can stay. The rest has to go.

AND, remember this.....the established limit stays the same as new things come in (and they will come). That means that tough decisions have to be made.


For example, here is the limit we have put on the DVDs at our house. Here are the G-rated and PG-rated DVD's including TV shows (the ones I don't mind anyone of any age watching):

(The movies are two deep because our shelves are that deep and you can see on the top shelf that we have our special collection of Harry Potter movies to one side and Star Wars movies to the other. They are stacked on the back.)

And here is the smaller collection of what I call "teen" movies. These are the ones that are rated PG-13 that I am fine with the older kids and their friends watching when the younger kids have gone to bed. 

As a family, we have determined that this is a reasonable amount of space for movies and that is the limit. That means that if a new DVD were to come in to our house, one of these here would have to leave. 

Remember my last post about being careful when you shop? This "limits" idea really helps with that too. If we know the DVD shelf is already full then we go to the store and see a new movie we want, one of us says "if we buy Zootopia today which movie at home are we getting rid of?" Sometimes it's worth it to still get the new one, sometimes it's not.

This same principle applies to just about anything...but here are a few more examples around my house.

WITH TOYS......

My daughter Carly is a big Littlest Pet Shop fan. I have picked up most all of these toys at yard sales and have seen a lot more that I could have bought. But this space is the limit set aside for these toys. When/if she gets a new, more amazing Littlest Pet Shop toy, she has to decide which one is leaving. The same holds true for the smaller pieces that go in the drawers. The drawers are the limits for those and when they are full and cannot be shut, choices have to be made and things have to be discarded.

WITH RECIPE BOOKS.....

This is the space I have set aside as the limit for my recipe box and recipe books. I am a fan of new recipes, I really am, so it is a very good thing for me to have limits set. Otherwise, this shelf could be four times as big and I would have it full. Sometimes I will acquire a new recipe book and slide it in there, try it out for a few weeks and then determine if it gets to stay. Not many of them do, honestly.  And that means that every one of these are truly awesome!

WITH KEEPSAKES.....

Keepsakes are the treasures from your life and they can be hard to get rid of. But having limits for things like keepsakes makes it so much easier to decide what to keep. Remember: We wish we could keep everything...but we CAN'T! Fit what you can in your limited space and be grateful you have some mementos for your future posterity to know you by.

This rings true for your children and their keepsakes too, by the way. Each one of my children has a keepsake box or drawer where they get to keep whatever they want. Once it's full though, tough decisions have to be made. "Would you rather keep that rock or that Popsicle stick collection?" or "Would you rather keep all 28 of your drawings from the 1st Quarter of Kindergarten or would you like to keep your 3rd grade report on China?" In my opinion, it's really good for kids to understand the concept that we can't keep everything. Let's teach them early to make those tough "what to keep" decisions so maybe they will be better at it than we are!

WE WISH WE COULD KEEP EVERYTHING BUT WE CAN'T!

and then set limits for the amounts we keep. 

Rule #5 Be Careful When You Shop

One of the problems with being affluent, (and remember, according to the world's standards, as Americans we are ALL affluent) is

we have too much money to spend on non-essentials.

For those of you who don't know, 

the essentials in life are:

SHELTER
UTILITIES
FOOD
TRANSPORTATION
and
BASIC CLOTHING

Not a lot actually. Now think back to the money you have spent in, let's say, the past 3 months. Think about the trips to the mall, Costco, Target, Kohl's, Walgreens, and Home Depot. Think about the orders placed on Amazon, Zulily, or Overstock.com.  Think about the quick stops at a thrift store or yard sale or the "run" into the dollar store. There are so many places to spend our money that the list could just keep going, right? And just how many of those purchases were for things that were "needs?" 

It's time we be a little more careful when we shop.

If you really want to be blown away by how much Americans spend in a day, click on this link here  and watch the numbers! It's fascinating...and a little scary actually. Try it. Really!

The bottom line is we spend A LOT....and usually without even thinking about it.

The "spending too much money" part of this problem is one aspect but we will leave money talk for another day.

On this blog we talk about having, dealing with, storing, juggling, being grumpy about and apologizing over TOO MUCH STUFF. 

And when you shop...you bring stuff IN.

So....BE CAREFUL!

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you shop:

1.  WHERE am I going to put this? 

This question helps me a lot, especially when I am tempted to buy new frames, pictures, pillows or other decor for my home. It also helps when I want to buy books or clothes or when my husband wants to buy a new tool. When it feels like your spaces are already completely FULL, (the closet seems too full, the bookshelf seems to be overflowing, the work bench is covered in tools, etc etc.) figuring out where you are going to put it before you buy it and bring it home is really smart. 
For example, if you are buying a new kitchen appliance ....

you just have to have that Wok

 (you know... to go with your run ;)

picture in your mind coming home from the store and opening the box, and then putting the wok away. Is it going to fit? Can you picture it sliding right into a spot on the shelf? Is there really a place for it? If not....if it is going to be a struggle to figure out a home for it and have a place for it to go permanently don't buy it!

2.  Do I already have something really similar to this that I could use instead?

I wrote about this question in a previous blog post about dejunking (you can find it here) but I think it's important to go into when discussing bringing stuff into the house or your life too. When speaking about shopping, it shouldn't come as any kind of surprise, but it is pretty common in our shopping excursions to be drawn to things that are the same types of things or the same style. Or, in other words, when you are out shopping you are going to be steered toward the types of things you have at home. It is imperative, in the battle to have LESS stuff, that we realize it and think about it when we shop. Before we put something in the cart or go up to pay, we should always ask ourselves "Do I already have something similar to this at home?" and/or "Do I have something I can use or wear instead of buying this?" Chances are the answer will be "yes." And then it's time to say "no" to the purchase.

3. Am I buying something today for the wrong reason?

Have you ever thought that you might be shopping for all sorts of reasons other than that you need a particular item? 

What are some of the reasons you might buy?
How about these?

* I'm bored and have extra money this month so I might as well.

* I feel bad that I haven't done much with my child lately so I'm sure buying him/her this item will make them feel better. (and me too :)

* I like the ones I have of these so much that one in another color or slightly different style would be great.

*  I haven't spent very much money on myself lately so I deserve it.

My point is NOT VERY OFTEN are we shopping and buying and bringing new things into our homes for the simple fact that they are NEEDED. In fact, most of the time there are other reasons we buy. And all I suggest is that we ask ourselves, before we fall for it
WHAT ARE THE REAL REASONS I AM BUYING THIS TODAY?

So, there you go....something to think about.
Ask yourself these questions and...

Remember Rule #5
BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU SHOP!


Blog News:  Guess what I got for a Mother's Day gift? A blog makeover! So be watching in the next couple of weeks for a whole new LOOK here at www.aplaceforeverykeeper.com! 
And thanks again for your support and encouragement.

Next Post:  Rule #6  Set Limits for Yourself and Others

Rule #4 Learn to BORROW instead of OWN

In my opinion, there are a lot of benefits to borrowing an item instead of running out and buying it.  Let me give you just 2....and I'll do it in the form of a story.  I call it:

The Tale of the George Foreman Grill

Once upon a time, a new amazing gadget was invented by the famous boxer, George Foreman. Everyone you met could not say enough about the amazing Goerge Foreman grill. It cooked your steak or chicken or salmon to perfection in just minutes. It was magical. It sounded too good to be true to me but after hearing from several people that it was the best thing since sliced bread, I really wanted to try it.  The problem was:

A. they were pretty expensive for just a "try"

and 

B. They are big and bulky and would take up a lot of space in my kitchen--which is especially a problem if I didn't like it, right?

And then the brilliant thought came into my head...

"my friend and neighbor, Holly, who lives across the street had a George Foreman grill!" And Holly is gracious and lovely and unselfish and I knew she would let me "try it out" before I went and bought one.  And guess what? She did. (Thanks Holly!:)

And guess what else? 

I tried it and didn't really like it. I have a lot of kids and it couldn't cook everything I needed at the same time (and Holly had a BIG one).  And what it did cook wasn't moist and tender like I thought it would be. And my family felt like the food tasted bland and would rather have it barbecued outside or cooked in the oven with onions smothered on it.

SO, I washed it up and took it back to Holly, said "thank-you so much" and saved myself $50 and a whole lot of storage space.

And my love for borrowing things began.

Another time, my teenage daughter, Ashley, (who is tremendous in the kitchen by the way) wanted to try her hand at making a REAL cheesecake. (Usually I think Costco is the way to go on these things but...) The problem was I had never purchased or owned the spring foam pan that is needed to make a real cheesecake. 

And I wasn't really wanting to go spend the money on one, not to mention try to store it for the possible next time someone might want to try their hand at making a cheesecake.  So I started making calls. (What I have found, in the art of borrowing, is that someone in your mix of friends usually has the thing you need. (And, if not, at least you tried!))

And sure enough....on the 2nd call my neighbor Nancy said "Sure! I've got a spring foam pan. You're welcome to use it." Ashley ran and got it, went to work on making the cheesecake, found out they are a TON of work, and a few hours later we washed up the pan and took it back to Nancy with a piece of cheesecake in the middle of it. No $25 wasted and no large pan to have to store!

That's just two stories but I have dozens more of things that I have learned to borrow instead of buy and then own and store.

Borrowing is awesome because

1- It lets you TRY OUT new things without making the commitment to BUYING them, thus saving you lots of $$$.

That's the beauty of

the library

or Red Box or Netflix, right?

You HAVE to ask yourself...

why go to Barnes and Noble, Costco or Wal-Mart and BUY a book or movie that you can just borrow, watch, listen to or read and then return again? For FREE or just a few dollars?

and

2- It saves you from having to STORE, JUGGLE, MOVE AROUND, and DEAL WITH IT more STUFF! (Thus the whole point of this blog:)

How about some of these ideas?

Do you really need to OWN a bundt cake pan for the once or twice a year that you want to make a bundt cake (insert awesome pronunciation here from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding.") Or could you just borrow one from your neighbors and let them store it for you ;)

What about things like life jackets or other outdoor equipment?

Unless you own a boat and go out on the lake often, it really isn't necessary for you to own a collection of life jackets for the once or twice a summer you need them. Just figure out who in your life has a large supply and call them up to borrow one or two for the day. I can promise you from personal experience, as someone who owns a boat and lots of life jackets, we are happy to share!

Halloween costumes are another favorite of mine to borrow or lend out to others. Occasionally I am on the ball and/or one of my children insist on being something specific for Halloween.  But most of the time, a few days before Halloween we start asking the kids "What do you want to be for Halloween?" and they usually say "I don't know...maybe a this or that or this?" And that's when I put out on a plea on Facebook or a group text to friends and say 

"Does anyone have a Harry Potter costume in size 10ish?" 

or 

"Does anyone have a great girl costume for a size 12 girl?" 

I've even gone so far as to ask for specific things like just the right kind of boots for a Flynn Rider costume.

And guess what?

I've yet to be disappointed.

As in, someone always has it and is glad to loan it to us for the week.

And with 6 kids, times 20+ years of trick-or-treating, I have acquired a box of costumes too and I loan some out almost every year. It makes me happy for others to get some use out of them!

I LOVE BORROWING INSTEAD OF BUYING!

Another way that borrowing benefits you is you actually get to know and interact with your neighbors. I've had a lot of great conversations with our neighbors through the years and a lot of those have been started because I asked to borrow something. Most everyone is more than willing to share and I think it makes them feel more connected to you after they have helped you out. A lot of times, when I borrow something, I try to return it with a plate of goodies or a treat. And, let's face it, any time you do something like that, it only BUILDS and ADDS to the relationship!

If you are convinced to give it a try, here are a few other ideas of things you might consider trying to borrow instead of buying:

*prom dresses

*party supplies like drink pitchers, serving utensils, or tablecloths

*air mattresses (for the occasional out-of-town guest)

*specific clothing to match for family pictures

*folding chairs 

*large yard work items like a power washer, extra tall ladder, or rototiller

*wedding decorations

And don't let that be the end of the list.  The main idea is to think before you just run out and BUY something (that you then have to maintain and store) 

"Can I just borrow this item instead?"

And in talking about the joys of borrowing, I would be remiss if I didn't also talk about the absolute 

RULES for BORROWING

1.  Return the item QUICKLY (as in within hours of finishing using it) and in as good if not better condition than when you borrowed it.

2.  If you find yourself borrowing the same item frequently, it's time to go and buy it.

3.  If you break or damage something you borrowed, fix it or replace it promptly.

4.  Be willing to let others borrow your possessions as well.

To me, these four rules go without saying. However, some may not have been taught as children the proper way to borrow or might not feel comfortable with borrowing. Thus, in borrowing from others, make sure you ask in an unassuming way that helps them feel comfortable in saying "no" to your borrowing request. That's why I like asking to borrow on a group Facebook page or in a group text. Some people feel more comfortable letting others borrow things than others do, and that's OK.  I've also found that if you establish yourself as an "excellent" borrower (you follow the 4 rules adamantly and repeatedly) people in your life learn to trust you with their things and allow you to borrow them more often.

 One tip in the area of letting others borrow from you is to keep a small "borrow journal" (I use a 3 x 5 card taped inside the kitchen cupboard) that keeps the simple information of who, when and what of borrowers.  Ours looks like this (although I recreated with different names to protect the innocent :)

When they return the item, you simply cross it off and put it back where it goes in your home. So simple and awesome.

Every once in a while (as in it has happened twice in my adult life) someone might borrow something from you and return it in a broken or damaged condition. I have found that a simple, kind conversation goes a long way here.  "Hi Tracy, this is Kim. You dropped off this dress and it looks like there is a stain on it. Would you be willing to take it to the dry cleaners and then bring it back?"  

It's really that easy.

Both times they have been happy to do so. 

Borrowing is an excellent way to help others out and to help yourself out. To me, it's totally worth it to be able to save money and space and not have to stumble over, worry about and store so much STUFF!

That's why I say....

Learn to borrow instead of own!

Next post:  Rule #5  Be careful when you shop.

Rule #3 Too much of a GOOD thing is still a BAD thing

One of the mistakes people make
is they assume that I hate all stuff
and think you should throw it all away

and that's simply not true.

I think there is a lot of value in really great things that add positively to our lives.
There are a lot of functional, lovely and amazing gadgets and gizmos, not to mention necessities and "desirables."

But let's talk for a minute about amounts.

And let's start by talking about something simple like stuffed animals.

I don't think anyone looking at this picture would ever say that a stuffed animal is a bad thing. There are times in every kid's life where a stuffed animal provides security and happiness. I don't know what it is about them but they are magical that way.

Firefighters, police officers and other first responders usually carry a couple of stuffed animals in their vehicles to give to children who have been through a traumatic experience. And they work wonderfully.


But what about this?

TOO MUCH!!!!
That's overwhelming, and messy and ridiculous.



So...
Stuffed animals are a GOOD THING
but
TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING 
is a BAD THING!

What about a really great family game night?

It's fun and full of memories, right?

so no one is saying that board games
are the problem.
They are great
and add a lot of POSITIVE to our lives.

But what about this?

or

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING is simply a BAD THING

no matter what it is.

 No matter 
how well 
they work...

or how cute 

they are

or how cheap they were.

Too much is too much.
Period.

One might ask...

How do you know if it's too much?

Here's a good indicator.

Ask yourself, sincerely,

would I buy this many or this much again if I were starting all over?

A while ago I wrote a blog post about the questions you can ask yourself when dejunking and evaluating your things. You can check it out here

One of my favorites is the question "If my house was destroyed, would I replace this item with money out of my own pocket?"

A lot of times, when we are talking about TOO MUCH, what has happened is we have taken one good thing, then acquired another, then another and then another and never let any go. We end up with too much on total accident. And, if we thought about it, we would totally acknowledge we would never buy that many if we were starting all over. So why keep them now?

One really great this or that is fantastic.
Too many is not.

My advice, really evaluate the piles of things you have in your home and spaces. Do you NEED 6 rubber spatulas? Do you NEED 8 white tee shirts? Do you NEED 16 white pillow cases? or drawers full of half-dead batteries or 27 glass vases? 

One or two of those is fine. No one is saying any one of those things is a bad thing. But that is TOO MUCH.

And remember

Rule #3:  Too much of a GOOD thing is still a BAD thing.


Next Post:  Rule #4  Learn to borrow instead of own!